i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
