Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
