the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
