I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
