Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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