ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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