you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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