it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
