my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
