Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
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Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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