How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Farmville is her only friend.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Randomize
