No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
