gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
