so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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