been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
