so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
