Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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