I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i dont even know how to be here
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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