I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
