you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
