YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
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Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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