I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
