if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
there was a trapeze. enough said
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
