i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
