I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
