So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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