Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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