Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
