my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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