Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
