Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This is my gift to your gina
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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