I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
