the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
