If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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