Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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