If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
