fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
