The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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