Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
