You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
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and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
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Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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