My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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