Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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