So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
