I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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