they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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