dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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