i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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