Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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