god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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