Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize