I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
