watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
