It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
