i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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