I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
