I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
