Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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