I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
