just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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