this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
