is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
