im six kinds of drunk right now
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
