Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
