Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
