She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
