I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
