Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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