Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
