and she was petting her beer can
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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