You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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