Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
