well I can't set my house on fire every night
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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