doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize