my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My feet surprised me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
