I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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