there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
