Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
that is very illegal...i love you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
