How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
