I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
