Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
