I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
